Transcript

Oh, G'day! it's Mel and back with another episode of the Fearless Singer podcast, we've been on a little bit of a break. When I say we, I mean, me and myself been a little bit of a break for the last couple of months. And because I've been, you know, building things and doing other things, I've still had a presence, I didn't just kind of drop off the face of the earth did way more gigs. And now I'm back. Because this podcast is really special to me, I forgot how much I missed it. And interesting enough, this week has been a funny one of messages from the universe to like, get your bum into gear and do a bloody podcast episode. I'm trying something different, a little bit of a different background, because I love my piano. Sorry, excuse me, I'm a little bit viral. Not in the internet sense. But in the got a little bit of a head cold. And I'm using my Mini Microphone that I bought off an Instagram ad, not my $1,000 Shure microphone, because I'm just trying new things. Because that's what it's all about is trying new things and things don't have to be perfect to be good. Just putting that one out there. That's one to write down in the diary. Let's start shall we, I'm going to do a podcast episode of The Magic Art of turning FN 40k.[New take] If you're watching this, you will see that I've now moved away from the piano those $30 microphones don't work. So always good to invest in something a little bit of substance. However, before I absolutely throw them out of the window, I'll just check that I don't have to charge them. But it just kept switching on and off. Hence why it's good to experiment. And not get too don't read into it says technology. And I say that only because in the past that would be enough for me to throw a massive fit anything technology related. However, I've done a bit of healing around that. But back to the episode The Magic Art of turning 40 It is magic. And it's a massive privilege to turn 40 I have to say it's one of those things we fear, this growing old business. Well, when I say we maybe before 40, you start to think Oh, getting close to death. But then when you reach a certain age, you begin to reflect and think well, what's the alternative? And I've been very privileged to know a lot of phenomenal human beings over my lifetime, who I went to school with who I went to uni with who I knew in the music scene here in Brisbane, who didn't make it to 40. And were absolutely exceptional human beings. And I have to say, well, you know, thank you, thank you for allowing me to get to this age. That was a massive realisation. That was huge when you start to be grateful for life itself. And all the things that we get to do here. Despite what is happening in the world. The fact that we actually have the opportunity to do something about it is a phenomenal realisation. And that in itself felt quite magic turning 40 Now I turned 40 Last July and I have mentioned that a lot in social media posts and I think I may have even mentioned that in previous podcast episodes as well. But something change, something changed in my purse personality, my way of doing things it's interesting that I've had this Fearless Singer brand However, I've felt like I've become way more fearless I love that there is a fly circling my head. I feel like flies are always a sign of abundance and they're a sign of, of yes, you're on the right track. So if you're in rural Victoria right now, and you're being swarmed by fliers, remember that and yeah, I feel like a renewed sense of fearlessness. That's all I can say. It's like a deeper level, a deeper, deeper level of knowing a deeper level of you know, the fact that life is actually really short because it felt like only literally a blink ago that I was six years old. Honestly, it's gone. Very quick. And that there's a lot to do, you know, as a singer, as a creative as a musician as a human being with with a gift inside of us, because I believe we're all born with a gift and a message. And part of our experience here is yes to experience the 3d reality in these incredible bodies. By the way, I'm going to stop referring to this as the meat sack, we're all spirits having this experience in the meat sack, because it kind of puts down something that is quite remarkable is our bodies. That's the other thing too. If turning 40, you're going, Whoa, you are awesome. And yes, I'm talking from an abled body perspective. And I've mentioned this before, as well. But, you know, I know we all live in different bodies, and we have different experiences. But I speak to a lot of people. And I work with a lot of people with disability who are still just love this. Love this suit that we have that we get to be in, despite whatever it is that they go through on a daily basis. And just overall, a renewed appreciation of life, I think when you turn 40. But let's, let's break it down into tangible bullet point. This is what happened to me. And I want to put it out there to you too. Did you other 40 Plus, humans? Did you also have this experience? I want to hear from you please comment, DM, let me know what what has it been like for you? Did you have this also a renewed understanding of of life, and then a renewed appreciation of this life. Let me know, I took notes that I'm going to refer to because this is something that I could literally just keep rambling on and on and on about and be like, and this and that, and this. But I have to say there is a massive paradigm shift. It's like you're almost entering a new, a new world when you turn 40. That's what I've experienced anyway. But I've broken it down into five dot points. But I feel like there should be more. But I also don't want to overburden you too much. Maybe this is going to be a part one podcast, part two, we have a turning 40 series. And by the way, I'm open to the possibility that maybe even like so 40 is good, maybe 50 is even better. And if you are in your 50s, I really want to hear from you. How are things different if you're in your 60s 70s this, it's exciting. It's exciting. It does almost feel like new levels in a video game. Anyway, I digress. Let's go back. I'm referring to my notes, hence my eyes going this way. So number one, I want to go back to this renewed fearlessness. I actually believe now I'm 100% practising what I preach. I'm saying exactly what I mean. I'm asking for what I want. I asked for opportunities, and I don't take it personally if anyone says no. And I am not too cowardly to say why not? And let's have a conversation about it. Let's, let's talk it out. When people say weird things, you know, as well, that you That's funny, and you go Oh, that felt a bit like targeted. I'm actually now saying hey, what do you mean by that? I'm pulling into place, all the things, all the things that we learn, you know, to do seems to be happening way more naturally now because of this renewed confidence of not really. It's not that you don't care. Like I definitely care about everybody care what people think. It's I care and let's talk about it and let's have a conversation about it. And if that person goes I don't want to talk to you about it. Then you take no for an answer. It's just this kind of renewed level of awareness of no one really owes you anything and anyway,

you know, as long as you're doing the best to be the best Human that you possibly can and you're working through your things, and you're of service and you're, you're of integrity, then it's like, okay, oh, that's how you feel. And that's okay. So, our renewed level of fearlessness, asking for what I want, there's been so many opportunities that I saw could have passed me by, but I was like, Nope, I'm gonna go for that. I don't care that I'm sitting around a room full of very impressive, pensive looking people, right now, I'm gonna say, Hey, have you thought about doing this? Because this would be a great opportunity. And guess what? Turns out, I was lucky. And that's exactly what happened. I'm not I can't talk specifics. But it's a massive opportunity that, that I get to experience as well as a colleague of mine. So it's, yeah, really just going for things and being okay, if they weren't not, no, we're not doing that. And just being like, alright, I tried, I gave it a go. There's, there's no harm in asking for what you want. And there's no harm in really pitching an idea that you believe to be good. Even if you perceive others to not like that idea. Just forget about it. Just cut off to that, and then just go for it. The second thing is, I am being way more myself. I'm saying exactly what I think on social media, it's one of those things that I've I've held back on for many years, I grew up believing that you don't talk politics or religion at the dinner table. And I do appreciate people that that believe that. But I think when the world gets super crunchy, as it is, now it is important to have or have something to say about it, you know, and to be part of that conversation. And be talking from the perspective of wanting the piece wanting the change. I'm being way more myself, I'm being very political, some to a point where I've actually lost friends, friends, on social media, that and who have just completely just completely just gone up your rubbish f off and I'm like, okay, all right, because I'm not going to change what I believe to be true. Because it's going to upset somebody, I'm going to be aligned with what I believe to be true. And I'm going to respect other people as well for their own opinions and beliefs, providing that they can, you know, they can express that in a intelligent, and, and in a non violent way. I'm, I'm open to all of that. So being way more myself, I never thought that that could potentially could happen. I've created a brand on being bloody quirky, you know. But I guess I'm showing the various sides of my personality. Yes, I'm quirky. But there is a lot of justice, a real sense of justice in in me that it's really important that that gets expressed. And again, I'm not fearing the consequences, if that means that I'm going to lose business. Well, to be honest, I don't particularly want to be catering for people that don't align with my political and social values. If you are white, and not actively working on the racism that we intrinsically have inside of us, all of us, and I know this is going to be controversial. But if you're not actively doing this work, well, then I'm sorry, I don't I don't I don't particularly want you to be in my sphere. And you know, if you happen to stumble across my work, and you hear my message, and it starts to you go Oh, actually, I'm, I hear that side of the argument now. And you understand that we're all collectively here to make a better world for each and every one of us. That includes every race, every skin colour, every religion. If you're not about that, then I'm sorry, I'm just I'm not I'm not interested in serving you. I'm not interested in also trying to bring you over to this to the other side. If you want to believe that you can stay over there. And I know that that really comes into the idea of separation which You know, I get that like, as as a spiritual teacher, I'm all about inclusivity. And we are one. But also, I really don't want to have to change my ideas and values because it's trying to hurt someone. white fragility. So anyway, that's where I'm at. I'm being more myself. And that means being political and actually saying what I mean, and what I think and doing that onstage. Also, as a performer, as much as I sometimes muddle up the words, I'm going to do the acknowledgement of country, because I believe that we are operating on stolen land. So I'm going to be talking about that and be doing the work actively, to learn more about indigenous culture, and also to be doing the work in anti colonisation by doing the work actively because it's all in us. It's ingrained in us column colonisation. And capitalism is something that's inside of us. And we need to do that if we want to survive as a species. So number two, being more myself, and that means showing the sides that maybe not may not be likeable to a lot of people. And that's okay for me. Totally. Okay. And I know that I have family members that fear, you know, for safety's, particularly as a woman, I don't, I don't have I'm not scared anymore. So it's, that's where I'm at, you turn 40. Like, I really care too much about future female identifying non binary folk, to worry about my own safety, right now I'm going to do what I can my bit to make a better world. And the same goes for people of colour, I'm going to be the best Allah that Allah that I can be, and be okay with making mistakes, because that's bound to happen because of the this is new territory work. And we're all just doing our best. So to be more myself, I know I've repeated that several times. And making jokes and being crass, because that's 100%. Me as well. And I think it's important that we share that side of our personality. You know, I've played the good girl for way too long in my life. It's like I'm not I'm cheeky as they go to sport, my mom's not going to be happy with that. But I still also, like I said, worried about what my mom thinks. Number three is knowing that it's all going to work out. Everything works out, like we get these challenges that come up, or these heavy feelings. We have challenges with the people that we work with, we have challenges in life in general, we have health challenges, we have money, challenges, things come up. But I have this underlying feeling and knowing that it's all going to work itself out. And if not, what I want something better. If it's a no now, it's a yes to something or a better that is more suited for me. And that's why also too, it used to absolutely kill me not to include certain dear friends in projects of mine. And,

you know, I've struggled so much with that, and going oh, like, probably not the best fit for this particular project. But I'm going to book them anyway. Because I love them. And they're so talented, and they are there. Everyone I work with are phenomenal. And but going actually this is give them an opportunity, because they to say no, because they might be actually just saying that they want to do this because I don't want to hurt your feelings. And so I'm having those honest conversations now. Because I know that if they're doing something that they don't particularly want to do with me, it's stopping them from doing the things that the universe has in store for them. Because I actually believe whatever your understanding of this, that that spiritual force around us, whether it's God whether it's the universe source, whether it is you know, Buddha, Allah, whatever your understanding is, is that we are all here for greatness, all of us. It is in us we have incredible whatever that we dream of, is already happening in a different time parallel universe. It's already there. It's already happened. It's it's all it all is happening. And it's important For us to know that so if you're not quite sure whether this person is the right fit for your project, you're probably stopping them from doing what is the right fit that they're actually going to love. You might be stopping them from going on to be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, or whatever it is. So, yeah, I just don't have that. That feeling that that real sort of, oh, tearing up your gut kind of feeling anymore? It's like a well, let's just be honest, well, let's have an open conversation about this now. And, and no one owes you anything, either. Like, it's, you know, we don't owe each other anything, it's we are operating, you know, from source source gives us what we want, and what we need, you know, and will lead us to where we need to be. So, yeah, coming back to that understanding has been so powerful, that there is a, this is a big enough stage for all of us, we can all rise, we can all succeed. So number four is also just taking more risks. And I think this kind of lends itself to the number one, the renewed fearlessness is going. Yeah, I'm going to jump, now I'm going to do that, that would feel very, very, very scary, normally, but I can see that if I don't do this, the alternative is going to be worse. And I'm going to take you back to a story. When I was I think I must have been what 12 And back in the 90s we went to the most cooked campsite, you know, we paid our schools paid lots of money for us to go to and a lot of the, you know, like the courses, you know, through the bush land were so dangerous. Even back then I'd be like, That sound reason? So why are you making us do that. And I remember being 12 and we had to climb up this it looked like and it felt like a cliff face we did. It wasn't quite ABS sailing, you know, like mountain climbing. But it was like that close to and I wasn't a particularly fit child either. I was I was the same size as I am now as a 12 year old. So you know for little tiny, you know, as a as a big kid and walk up this really steep cliff side, I'm that's what I'm going to call it. I'm sure there's a more specific name for it to get to the top. And I like I couldn't believe that I even got to the top that I didn't even turn back. But I obviously thought okay, I can do this, and then got to the top and didn't realise that then I'd have to walk a bloody plank, a plank across to this other. You know, whatever it was, it was like a it was a fight a flying fox, by the way. So this other little plank platform thing. I had to cross the plank without a friggin harness on. And I was like, Oh, look, that is scary. You know? Okay, sure there is an adult there who is missing an ear who I've had some weird spidey senses around. There were a lot of them back in the 90s. They're still around, but they were super untapped back then. Pretty sure he was an ex felon. You know, I had to trust this guy to grab me and put me on a harness. But the alternative was way more scary. And that was going back down this friggin huge, steep, steep, bloody Hill, Cliff, whatever the fuck it was. Oh, this Oh, Oh, Mom, please don't. Don't be mad at me. And I watched my maths teacher. I was like, she is one brave bitch going down that like that. That is way scarier than having to do this plank. So I did. I crossed the plank. This guy grabbed me put me on the harness, or literally did this and away I went. And I survived to tell the story. Sometimes, not doing that thing that is really scary can mean something way scarier. And it's really about kind of going, Okay. What is more scary than getting on this stage now and sharing. You know what I love to do, which is to sing and to tell my story. What is scarier than that? For me, the scariest thing would be would be to be on my deathbed and thinking, Oh, what a shit show. I didn't do anything that I wanted to do. I didn't get I didn't do anything. I've worked too hard I, you know, all I did was just worked and drank. Sorry, that's, that's not a dig anyone who drinks by the way. But you know, it's one of those things that we fall in the trap of the nine to five. And then we, you know, and there's nothing wrong with going out and drinking with your mates. By the way, there's nothing wrong with it. But then when you start to realise, oh, my God, this is a cycle. This is like Groundhog Day, this is what I what I work to look forward to. And I don't do those things that I say that I want to do, which is the overseas travel or the, you know, having a little investment property, you know, or actually, why am I saying those things? Maybe? Because that's what I want to do. Well, is that not that I want to do more sorry, is that I want to do more travelling. But yeah, this the scary, scary alternative is saying I didn't get to do the things that I wanted to do. For me anyway. And we're all different. So I'm taking way more risks. And for me, for a lot of people, this doesn't seem like a risk, but for me the risk of buying my first property, so that, you know, I have somewhere that's fairly stable to live in, I know that nothing is secure. But way more secure than being in a rental and having someone else's life, you know, impact on your life. So if they want to sell the property, you're out kind of thing. Yeah, that is the the thought of being in a situation where I'm dependent on somebody else is way more scary, even though, effectively, you're dependent on whether you can pay your mortgage, but I feel like I have way more control over that than someone saying tomorrow, oh, your lease is cancelled, you've got to find a new accommodation. So yeah, taking way more risks. And the last one is, is not taking anything too personally. And for me, I've done a lot of work on on, you know, because oh my god, it's so seductive is to play the victim. You know, but I work hard. And I do this. Wow,

I love the being the victim. It's like, oh, it's not a good return of investment. That's what I realise it's like is this and it's my favourite thing to ask myself now, is this a good ROI? Is this helpful towards your personal goals and dreams is to fixate on this, could you have an honest conversation about this with that particular person, you know, or clear things up or, you know, again, just for me, that playing the victim are feel so good, you get such a dope hit from it, you know, and that's the other thing too, from turning 40 Is is realising that we're just a combination of chemicals and experiences. And we can actually change the chemicals that we shoot off into our body. And we can also over time with repetition of affirmations, we can actually change the neural pathways. It's called l, p, d LPD. So it's when the two synapses talk to each other and strengthen and then you've just got a completely new life. I'm going to have to quickly while I have the computer, is it LPT LPT, or LPD? No, it's lp t.

No, it is El TP got the acronym completely wrong it LTP long term potentiation. It's a complex process of leading to persistent and strengthening of synapses that enables a long lasting increase in the synaptic transmission in an neuronal network. So the more that we do that repeated, you know, the non victim playing the non victim, so whatever that that means, remembering we're affirming, so I'm strong, I'm a good communicator. Everything works out for me. It all works out in the end, oh, everything gets cleared up in the end. Oh, you're, you're so good at talking to other people and coming to a good compromise. Whatever it is, the more you keep repeating that and believing it. In your system. You've got these two synapses that strengthen to create This new Ultra, I'm probably not speaking the correct language, this this ultra neural pathway that now says, Yeah, that's what you are, you're a badass bitch, you can do anything, you can be anything, like the idea of at the moment, there is a very, very, very strong real chance that I might not long and might no longer be able to live here where I love. And because I've done enough of this work of knowing that everything works out, I'm like, That doesn't bother me find somewhere else, it's okay, that will work itself out. It's not that I also rest on my laurels I go, it's going to work out because I'm going to make it work out. You know, and I take the necessary action. You know, I write the emails, I make the phone calls, I asked for the help, I asked for the opportunities. And that's become a new way of being and yeah, just attend. And my mum always has said it, you always land on your feet. And with I've been doing it unconsciously for many years, but now it's finally I'm way more conscious of that it's a formula. It's not something that just happens by chance, you know, it is a way of being that you practice. So using that, is this, this currently or this situation, or this challenge, or this challenging person, or this terrible thing that happened to me, because let's be honest, we've all had our own experience of trauma, and had our own, you know, stories that have happened to us. It's now time to go. Do I want this to be taking up prime real estate in my consciousness? Is this helpful? Is this moving the needle forward? Is this bringing me to a better life? You know, that's really helped me that to the point. Now I can 100% empathise with other people's pain like I absolutely do. But because I've dealt with my own, and I've made the conscious decision that it's like, either I stay in pain which is passed, or that it's a choice you made feels bloody good, you get so that, that dopamine hit you get from the cortisol, you know, it feels good to dwell, it really does. And by the way, please don't think I'm talking about trauma in a flippant way, because that's something that we do have to seek help for, and get professionals that help us through that process. So I'm not in no ways being flippant about it. It's a real thing. But we do get off on it. There is scientific data that suggests that that's what happens. And then the cortisol in our body, then will start to bring our immune system down. It also creates goes on to create disease. And that's not to scare anyone, it's like, well, it's a choice. It's like the same thing of like drinking loads of alcohol knowing that, or that fourth or fifth. Oh, that that's that's, you know, it's knowing what your limits are. It's like going, you know, because obviously, stress is helpful in certain situations. We need it from time to time, but it's like, okay, just go being aware of is this the appropriate time to use a bit of an objective cortisol right now? Or can I calm my nervous system in this situation, you know, and finding those nervous system regulation, skills and strategies has absolutely friggin changed my life. And you know what, they don't even have to be complex, it literally can look like breathing in for five. Holding for five, releasing for five and putting a nice little sigh on it. It can be just cutting yourself off from the thought bringing awareness to little toes, bringing awareness to your fingers, feeling a softness through the face, whatever those strategies are. I like to talk to the angels I like to talk to spirit guides. I am a Reiki Master. So I do Reiki on myself to help calm my nervous system. And there's so many things you can do. And actually, one of the biggest things we can do is we can bloody thing we can just it doesn't matter how rubbish you think you are. It's so irrelevant. It is going to absolutely put your nervous system in a calm state. So Put on your favourite tracks start singing or even just making up Funny, funny little melodies on the spot. One of my favourite things to sing comes from Alison Davies, who is this incredible music therapist from Tasmania, she used to live in Brisbane. And that's every little cell in my body is healthy. Every little cell in my body is well. So I think that if I'm feeling a bit out of sorts, or I think every, every little cell in my body is sexy. Cuz it's. So yeah. That's what I've learned from being 40. There's a big list there. There's a lot to say there, I should say there wasn't a big list was five massive points. But more importantly, now I just want to know, like, what about you? What about you? I want to hear from you. What did you experience? Also to one of my dear, dear colleague friends reached out to me and said, By the way, even though I'm only 25, can you keep talking about this turning 40 stuff, because it actually gives me hope. And it's really inspiring. So please talk about this. So that's the other thing too, if you haven't turned 40 And you're in your 20s, or you're in your 30s, let's have a conversation about this. How are you feeling right now check in with yourself and, and know that you can tap into any age group paradigm. You know, you can you can be 65 and tap into that young, spirited, 25 year old state when it comes to you know, let's listen to your old records. We can tap into the energy centres of each of these age groups, and we can gain wisdom and, and fun from it. So that's the other thing too. Anyway, I digress. And I'm going to wrap this up. It's it's now way over a 30 minute episode. But there's a lot there was a lot to say. Yeah, and I feel I have to say I feel a bit vulnerable, sharing more about the political stuff. But yeah, so where I'm at, that's who I am. Doesn't mean I love you any less. Even though, if you, if you don't subscribe to my beliefs, you can stay over there. If you are, let's say belligerent about those and not not even looking to understand or then you can stay over there. I'm not into violent communication styles. You know, it's about having a conversation and not to shame anybody as well. I think shame is what keeps a lot of a lot of us stuck, you know, and we're not progressing as a species because of shame. So, we do need to be able to talk in a way that isn't going to shame anybody. And understanding that this is this is a big thing that we're unravelling. It's going to take time it's going to take work. And it's really about seeking understanding and connection. And on that note, see you later. This is we're back the Fearless Singer podcast is back. And yeah, so so happy to be doing this again. Yeah, have a lovely week. Oh, good. Hey, it's Mel Lathouras Again, and if you would like to start working with me, head over to feel a singer.com Download your free vocal glow up guide. So it's an eight minute vocal routine takes all the guesswork out. Just do that everyday means that you're showing up for your vocal muscles and your singing and your creativity. That's absolutely free and feel like yeah, I want to do more come over to the Fearless Singer membership. It's 497 for a whole year we meet weekly so you get weekly singing classes. We also have live coaching which is a part of that. We also do a monthly class that is themed and I get guests in who talk about anything from nervous system regulation to singer branding and business. You also get access to all of the failure singer online resources including the courses, the Fearless Singer mission is very much about elevating singers, you have a special story to tell it's inside of you. And let's get it out. Let's share it with the world.