Podcast for Singers 
Overcoming Fear to
LIVE LARGE - Unapologetically!

Transcript 

Mel Lathouras 0:01
Get a welcome to the 30th episode of fearless singer podcast and I wanted to do something really special for the big three. Oh, and I have a very special human on the podcast today, Karen Gunton. Karen Gunton is a self leadership coach. She has her very own podcast. She has a masterclass series, there's an ebook at Karen gunton.com. And the reason why she's on is I'm met Karen at a business conference for heart centred entrepreneurs at the coast unni. God was it a couple of months ago now. Oh, my God, time flies, and very, very lucky to have been gifted Karen's oracle cards in the conference bag. And I have been using these ever since here in the studio. So when you know, a student comes at the end of their session, we pull one of these it's interesting, though, don't do it at the beginning. I've only ever done it at the end.

Karen Gunton 1:06
There has to be what feels right. It feels right to do.

Mel Lathouras 1:09
Yeah. And and, and so these are beautiful cards, I just want to quickly show them sorry, Karen. I just want to show you these cards. They're just absolutely stunning. They're all my favourite colours, by the way. And the lug pastels

Karen Gunton 1:22
love the rainbow.

Mel Lathouras 1:25
And they just have one word on them. And so I just get, you know, my students to hold them, put their energy on them and pull the card that feels right to them. And then there'll be one word, so I just pulled simplicity. And then as per Karen's advice, you just ask the person who pulls a card to just, you know, think of okay, well, what does that mean to you? And the first answer that comes to them is is right. Is that right? Coronavirus? Yeah, right?

Karen Gunton 1:54
No, that's absolutely how I recommend doing it. You know, I think I think I was inspired to make the oracle cards because I liked the idea of learning and listening to our own inner voice and learning to trust that, but anybody who doesn't feel very, like maybe born intuitive, or, you know, if you're like me, and you are feel like you're spiritual, but you don't really have like a set sort of idea of your beliefs, it can feel a little bit inaccessible. And I wanted to create something that felt really accessible and, and really is about listening to your inner voice and knowing what that sounds like and feels like to you. So I purposely tried to keep the cards simple, so that, you know, there isn't a lot of information. And so you can just go with what your gut says or what your heart says, or wherever else your intuition lives and just practice going with the first thought I always say, the first thing that pops in your head is what it is. That's what the card means.

Mel Lathouras 2:52
On. Honestly, it's so it's so powerful, and it's amazing. And every single student that gets a response as well, straightaway, they get really excited. They go oh, this is what that means. And yeah, that usually has something to do with, you know, their creative journey or Yeah, fine. It's interesting that you're, you're referring to people, you're helping people find their inner voice. And yeah, this is what

Karen Gunton 3:20
you're helping them with their local voice.

Mel Lathouras 3:25
The day it's all it's all the voice, it's right. Yeah. Yep. Finding, I guess your I guess your your mission, your purpose and transmitting that out into the world. Whether that looks like singing or speaking, or intuiting. So tell this, let's go back. So when did you I guess start learning about your your intuition. You know, how old were you when you were like, oh, there's so hard to question this life.

Karen Gunton 3:58
Yeah, I think ever since I was young, like I've always kind of been interested in meaning, meaning and purpose. So that's probably like, where my sense of intuition of spirituality kind of comes from, I've always been interested in like, what's the meaning of that or, like, you know, just picking up on little signs or that little tap on your shoulder. And so I can remember from a young age, just paying attention to the I've always been like a collector of quotes and lyrics. And even when I was young, I was one of those people who was trying to figure out what the meaning of life was, you know, I think my whole family was like, she's so weird. And, and then but I can remember, you know, even at a young age thinking about that stuff, but then I went off, you know, to do a science degree and I became a teacher and kind of just went on that sort of track of like, education and and then when I came back to it probably was when I moved here you can tell I have a Canadian accents. So we moved, I left my job as a teacher and moved with my husband and our child here to Australia. And that was like 17 years ago, we thought that we were only gonna stay for four years. But here we still are. And when I did that, I think that's when I really started to think again about those ideas of purpose and meaning and what am I here for? What am I doing? And what do I want, because I got knocked kind of out of that just like path of job marriage child, like, you know, all that kind of what I think now is kind of a little bit nonsense. But in the late 90s, that's what we did. And anyhow, so I moved to Australia. And I started to think about, you know, what I wanted and who I was, who I was being in the world, and that led me on a path to starting a business. And then teaching people about starting a business, and then doing some business coaching and supporting other women in business. And really, all of that was, like you said, around how we show up and share our voice, how we share what we love, how we share our purpose, and share who we are. And, and it was that journey that really got me back to, you know, knowing myself listening to my inner voice, following the path of intuition and inner guidance, instead of always what other people say you should do. I think when you move on to the other side of the world, and you leave your job and your career and you go off the beaten path, it's a real sort of opportunity to say, Well, what direction do I listen to? And deciding to listen to your own instead of what everyone else says you should do?

Mel Lathouras 6:37
Was there like a, like a pivotal moment event? That sort of shook you up a little bit to get back on that track? Or was it more dislike? Uh, oh, no, that's the sign. Did you have any, like, physical signs? Like, you know, Australiana Yeah, moved on.

Karen Gunton 6:57
Well, we picked we picked here because it was sunny and warm. So that's how we ended up here. But I think it's kind of like a lot of little moments like I call them you know, those sort of turning points where you could pick either way to go and what the, the thing that wanted that got me starting a business with because I wanted freedom, I wanted my own money. We were borrowing money from family, and we were here with loans, and I couldn't work because of our visa. And so I thought, well, if I started my own business, then I could have some money on my own. So that was kind of like what I wanted. And it really wasn't really about the money. It was about having my own thing. I know that now. But at the time, I was like, I need freedom. And what that was, was I think my inner self was just longing for something that was mine. And that kind of then took me on this long journey that you know, was very meandering, trying different things. But I there was a moment that really stands out when you ask that question. So I had been coaching people on how to start a business of their own and running my own business. And I had this little period of time, this is like around 2012 ish, where I was feeling a bit lost a bit like, what am I doing? You know, is this really what I want to keep doing? And I decided the business I had was a photography business, I decided to take a break from that. But I was feeling like, what's next for me? And there's a quote, the quote that inspired this lighthouse revolution deck, from Anne Lamott that says, Lighthouse don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save, they just stand there shining. And I think I was on Pinterest, you know, back in the Pinterest days, and I saw that, quote, they just stand there shining. And I thought that I still have goosebumps thinking about like, about that moment. For me, it was like one of those moments where I just saw that. And I said that. That's what I want. That's how I want to feel. That's what I want to who I want to be. And what is that? What would that be like for me, and so that one quote, then went kind of viral to me like it became like a guiding force. And I was having a conversation with a friend who is very spiritual. And when I told her that she said that, that you have to follow the path of that, because whatever unfolds, is going to matter. And so that's what I did. And I just took that idea of the lighthouse. And I thought to myself, what would that mean to me, and I began sort of teaching people about myself about what it might mean to show up and just show up and shine. And in the sense that if that's what we want to do, then we need to be a lighthouse. we ourselves need to build our own lighthouse. And so that's what the kind of basis of the whole decades is the components of a lighthouse and the lighthouse keepers, you know, that are within us that can help us to be a lighthouse and to show up in time. So yeah, pivotal moment that, you know, then went on to sort of change my path. And it gave me It helped me to find my voice voice because I had something really strong that I could talk to people about kind of a mission. Like it became a mission. And that became something that was what I shared, and how I showed up and taught people and, and shared with people I still do today. So

Mel Lathouras 10:25
that's one of the most powerful things I've ever heard. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. And it's interesting because, you know, a lot of singers, instrumentalists, performers, struggle with that idea of being the lighthouse of the struggle, that idea of shining, even though it's so innately in them, you know, it is part of our mission, is to stand up on stage and just Yeah, I had a really pivotal moment when I was in my early 20s, when I saw one of, honestly one of Australia's best performers, patients from the greats perform and, and I just went off this, she was being a lighthouse, she she lit up the stage, and I said to myself, all this singing business isn't, it isn't self serving, she is offering a massive right now. But yeah, my whole body just went, Oh, you know, I just felt so empowered and inspired. So you know, to be able to stand up on a stage take so much courage, you know, just to let your light shine. But from your experience, what do you think are the things that stop people from recognising that they're a lighthouse?

Karen Gunton 11:40
Um, well, I think sometimes we have this sort of judgement around, are we are we good enough? Are we enough. And sometimes we can have this idea? Well, that's the kind of person who gets to shine, that kind of person, whatever this idea we have in our head, and I'm not enough of whatever that is. And I think that that's a big thing. Like, we have these rules or expectations that we kind of have gathered over the years, and that stuff can kind of hold us back because of that picture, you know, that we think you have to measure up to, or you have to be kind of thing that you aren't. And that's kind of what I like about the lighthouse is a symbol, because it's about knowing what kind of Lighthouse you are, you know, not compared to anybody else, the kind of light that you want to shine in the way you want to shine it with your authentic style, and your authentic way, and not doing it like anyone else does. And the other thing, I think is neat about the lighthouse, at least the way I teach it, and you you've used the card, so you know that I've got kind of seven components to the lighthouse that I'm through, you know, kind of dividing it up into different things that I think are important. So we can think that the only way that we shine is because our light has to be like this certain thing is kind of a bright, powerful forecast, or this extroverted thing, or this wild and crazy thing, or this, you know, ultra cool new like vibe or whatever the rules we have for ourself, but the reality is, we each have our own lights, you know, and we have our own way. But and that's only one part of it. You know, when you look at the lighthouse, there's a lot more to it than that. There's that strong foundation, there's the tall tower that helps you feel, you know, strong and aligned. And there's the light itself. There's the harbour, you know, that we live in, there's the sky above. So there's not just one component. It's not just about how how you particularly shine your light, but it's how you come together as a whole self as a whole lighthouse and do it your way. And I think that is one of my favourite things to think about the lighthouse is kind of permission in a way it's permission just to be you get to make your kind of life. Yeah. And on your kind of stage on your car with your kind of light with your kind of harbour and the people around you that support you. And yeah, permission I think is the big thing there that you get to do it your way.

Mel Lathouras 14:09
How would you describe your lighthouse?

Karen Gunton 14:13
Oh, good. Well, I'll tell you, I'll be really honest, my Lighthouse has been pretty wobbly. The last few years, I've gone through some, you know, personal stuff and some family stuff that was hard. And I kind of joke around now that I I'm like the lighthouse he's had a very dim light. And so I know what that feels like. And I am I self leadership coach and I call myself an instructor because I like to help people get unstuck, but I'm also an instructor that's been very stuck. You know, and I think that's just part of life is figuring out how we keep standing through all of that. So it's it's been interesting because I've you know, I went from having this place of like, I'm you know, I'm here to share my story. I'm here to help support others and I I'm here to help people, um, shine their light bright in the world. And then when you get knocked off course a little bit, it can make you question if you're doing the right thing. But through that process, what it's taught me is that I know for sure, because I've done it, that no matter how wobbly you feel, and how did you feel you're still at Lighthouse, you just have to,

Mel Lathouras 15:21
we can't forget that. The lighthouse is also standing in the storm with everybody else. Yeah. And is, you know, is it has to go through maintenance programmes. Lighthouse also, yeah, yeah, TLC. That's right.

Karen Gunton 15:39
And at the end of the day, like, what I've come back to is that it's up to me to kind of come back to my light, to think about, again, what fuels that light, what my purpose is, to shore up some of the wobbly bits, you know, that have been unattended to the past few years, and all of that stuff to me, like, I get to do that I don't have to wait for permission, I don't have to wait for a magic wand, you know, someone to come and save the day. Like I am that person. I'm the keeper of my lighthouse. And I get to come back and over again. And again. And again, you know, as often as I need to, to keep, you know, figuring out what fuels the light and what kind of light I want to shine and who I want to be in the world. You know, I've got an 18 year old daughter who's just going to uni. And I was saying to her, Well, I haven't figured out what I want to be. Like, I think sometimes there's so much pressure that we are supposed to get it right. And once we figure it out, that's just it. But that's not life. You know, that's just not life. We hit wobbly bits all the time. But we can come back to our light all the time. It makes

Mel Lathouras 16:42
things interesting. Otherwise, it'd be a pretty dull story. Yeah. It'd be like pleasant. Yeah, yeah.

Karen Gunton 16:48
And our art, I think our art, our voice our story. It comes from all of that, right? Like, it's, that's what, what gives you what you're here to share with others? Is is everything you been through is what fuels that. So that's the meaning I think, on the other side of all those wobbly bits. Yeah.

Mel Lathouras 17:09
Oh, absolutely. It's just like you said, it's oh, gosh, without sounding lame, but it's kind of like a gift. It's like, yeah, yeah, it's like a slap in the face. But here you go. That's right. Yeah, that's exactly right. Take it now you've learned all these things that you could

Karen Gunton 17:23
Yeah, that's right. Well, I used to, I used to kind of think on this, you know, this will be my year, you know, I figured out what I want to share, I've overcome my fear, I'm gonna get up on the stage and share this and teach this or whatever. And then, you know, you never have one of those years, because there's always another thing, like our lives are just full of all sorts of hard stuff. And sometimes that's inner stuff. And sometimes that's outer stuff that happens. So it's always just a work in progress. And I no longer kind of have that idea of like, oh, yeah, these boxes, I'm ready. Because you're not ever really like there's always a new thing that you're pushing through and overcoming or facing or rising above. You know,

Mel Lathouras 18:09
Karen, we hear a lot, this phrase of, you know, just show up, just just showing up. What does that mean to you?

Karen Gunton 18:19
Um, well, I think that, like, I have used that for myself a bit. Just show up and shine, just show up and help someone today, just show up in and take one next step. And I think that that can be a helpful, helpful, you know, push sometimes. But as I shared, you know, I've been through a period of struggle and a period of just having to get back to my light again. And what I learned through that is, I think, sometimes we can put pressure on ourselves. And we can feel like, oh, yeah, you just have to, you know, just overcome that obstacle, just overcome that resistance, just show up and do it anyways. And it can be a little bit jarring, because we feel like that whatever resistance we feel, or whatever worry, we feel or fear that it's something to fix or get over, or just overcome, or, you know, just push it aside and just show up anyway. And so my perspective, I think has changed I through the struggles I've been through, and it's now more about allowing for that. Like, I believe we can just show up and also we can be bloody scared. Like we can actually the fear is real, the resistance is real. The worries we have a real the part of us inside that's going whoa, whoa, I'm not so sure about that. Like that's a real part of us. And I think if we can turn towards those parts of us, like they're a friend like they're part of our inner team or inner circle and say I see what you're feeling like I get it, you are real, that matters, that that thing that you're feeling is true and real. So let's just face it, you know, let's allow it. So I think that my perspective now is a little bit different. It's around allowing, and also showing up. But the vibe is different. I used to be like, you know, just dissolve that resistance, get over that fear, leave all that crap behind, fix it, adjust it up, level it. And that's just not my perspective anymore. I'm trying to embrace those parts of me that are resistant, because I think they're real, they are real parts of us that are really feeling those things. And also, it doesn't mean our whole self isn't resisting, we can have one part of us that's like, are we sure we want to be doing this. And then when we strengthened our sense of self, and we listened to that inner voice, and we listened to that inner guidance, and we know our whole self is ready to move forward and show up, even if there is an inner part of us that still kind of terrified of that showing that

Mel Lathouras 21:10
it sounds really loving and kind.

Karen Gunton 21:13
Yeah, I think it is. And when I was first learning about this idea of allowing and accepting that resistance, I didn't know how I was like, a person allow these feelings. Like I think my approach before was just so like, Come on, just show up and shine. And yeah, and the other thing, I think, which is, again, goes back to the lighthouse, is that there might be a part of us that's like, not so sure about the showing up thing, like you're asking me to do Whoa. And then there's another inner part of us, that's probably like, hell yeah. Like, I got this. And so like with the lighthouse, you know, one of the components of the lighthouse that I share is the rock star, you know, that's the one who's ready to shine and share and, you know, project that light outwards. And that's awesome. So those parts of the journey that that Rockstar loves, we can hand over the keys to the bus, we can pass the mic, we can be like you do your bit, and you go out there and you shine. And meanwhile, the part of us inside that feeling really resistant, we can hold their hand, we can embrace them, we can warm, wrap them up in a warm blanket and just watch the Rockstar takeover, you know. So I think that that's a way that we can kind of embrace all the parts of us. And we can allow those parts of us that really, really are ready to shine. Do that, while also not denying that there are parts of us that are like, ready to shut up.

Mel Lathouras 22:51
Listen, I think that's so beautiful and so powerful. Can we talk everybody through the cards? So yeah, this issue? I know nothing? Okay, these beautiful cards, let's let's, yeah, let's, um, let's tell us about them.

Karen Gunton 23:05
Okay, perfect. So as I've mentioned, I've based these cards on the idea that the lighthouse, we can be the lighthouse. So we're we're here and I really do believe that we're all here to shine our light in the world in whatever way we choose. And a way that we can do that is by being a lighthouse. But I've divided up into seven components, the lighthouse, so the harbour, the, the foundation, the tower, the spiral staircase, inside the, the beam, the beacon, you know, that pushes out to all those boats out there that need it, the light itself, the harbour above, so there's seven components, and they're seven lighthouse keepers, which you can, which I think of those parts of us, you know, they're all inside of us, those seven lighthouse keepers, and we can, you know, pass the mic to each one we can strengthen, we can foster and honour we can allow whatever their experience is. And each of those lighthouse keepers can help us to shine and the colours they each have a so it's kind of the card deck, it's like, um, suits, right. So there's seven Lighthouse components, there's seven lighthouse keepers, and there's seven colours of the rainbow. And so there's seven suits, basically with the queen being the lighthouse keeper for each. And another interesting thing about them if you have anybody who is aware of the chakra system, which is like our energetic system of ourselves, and again, I'm not like a total like woowoo let's go full on there. But an interesting thing is that the lighthouse components overlap that. So if you already know about, you know the idea of your your voice chakra, your throat chakra, then the component, the beacon component is what overlaps that. So anything that you kind of already know me Maybe about your own energy. And that way the lighthouse can add to it or supplement it in some way. And I think that's kind of neat to think of ourselves, you know, as the lighthouse. And then those lighthouse keepers as being part of us that are here to help us shine our light in the world.

Mel Lathouras 25:17
And one of those blind housekeepers is a rock star. Yeah. Yeah.

Karen Gunton 25:21
So there's the rock star, there's the sage, there's the earth, Mama, there's the free spirit. And so the more you kind of play with the deck, you can get to know those different parts of the lighthouse and parts of the the lighthouse keepers. And over on my website, too, I've got a little free ebook with the lighthouse keepers. So yeah,

Mel Lathouras 25:44
Karen gunton.com. But I'll put it in the show notes. Perfect. Yeah. Well, while we're here, please follow Karen over on Instagram. It's just at Karen Gunton, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I'll also tag you in in the show notes.

Karen Gunton 26:00
Thanks. Yeah, yeah, so that's a bit of a, a bit of a peek into the seven components of the lighthouse. And as you said, I've tried to keep the cards like pretty simple. So each, each card just sort of has one word, one image that kind of helps with one component of the lighthouse. And when you can easily just pick a card, any card that you'd like, you can also just take out one component if you want. If you're like, Oh, my inner rock stars feeling. I'm not so sure about this showing up in Cheyenne business. But you can just take out that part of the deck and just play with just those cards and just see what message one of those cards has to help you, you know, build your inner Rockstar. And that can be a way to play with it in an intuitive a different way maybe than anyone else who's tried another deck. So

Mel Lathouras 26:50
I love that I'm so going over to your website and signing up for that ebook. Amazing. And I have to say that I think what really attracted me to you Karen is you're so aesthetically cool. Oh, thank you. Yeah, you dress your earrings. You're just so beautiful. So I was just like, Oh, who is that? Raisa sauntered over? Yeah, so

Karen Gunton 27:12
yeah, that's age. That's me trying to allow my inner Rockstar to have a little bit of self expression.

Mel Lathouras 27:18
Yeah, do it so well, when and

Karen Gunton 27:21
that's what I think is so neat. It's like everybody has that, right? Everyone has that part of them. And that is the Rockstar, the sage, the free spirit, whatever that is. And there's no comparison to anyone else, you get to just be you, in the sense that this is the lighthouse you're building. And you get to shine your light in your way.

Mel Lathouras 27:41
Oh, I think that's really, really powerful. And there'll be people that really need to hear that, that you can shine your light in your own way. And it's all about allowing, giving yourself permission. And yeah, and then also, I love this idea of building this inner world for yourself as well, you know, knowing that there's all these different components and you know, love for every single one of them and honour every single one of them as well. Yeah, that's what I'm hearing from you.

Karen Gunton 28:12
Yeah, thank you. And that's Yeah, and I think that's been the thing that's made a big difference to me, I think, sometimes, you know, in some sort of self development places, we can think, oh, we have to, like I said, you know, get over our resistance, we have to work on our mindset. And it's really a vibe of like fixing and we're not broken, you know, we're not broken, who we are is actually really, really remarkable. We're all each of us, our own brilliant light, you know, our light is made up of lots of different colours and shades. Each of us is different in that way. And I think that the more we kind of have that strong sense of self, and strengthening our sense of self, and that includes permission to shine your way. The more we believe we're worthy of shining our light, the more we feel confident that we can show up and do it. And we can embrace those parts of us that feel wobbly, because our sense of self is so strong. That's what I hope anyways, that's, that's what I'm working on. And that's what I the message I've been sharing lately.

Mel Lathouras 29:13
Hey, I was thinking I need you feel obviously putting you on the spot. I thought maybe both of us could just pull coverage. Sure each other

Karen Gunton 29:21
Yeah, sure. I have an idea that you might not have even tried yet with. Oh, yeah, this might be something new you can do at the end of your session. Okay, so. So lots of times, we just pull one card, which is I think, you know, super valuable, you can do that at any time of the day. And just first thought best thought. But another way to use the deck is actually to purposely pick a card. So let's say we were talking about that idea of show up and shine. So let's say we're thinking, Okay, I need to like I need to embrace my inner rock star because today I've got to show up and shine and I'm not really feeling too confident about that. So you can purposely look Look through the deck and pick at card. That is the thing you want. What like Sorry, what does that say? This one is a rockstar. Yeah. Okay. And just because that's what we were kind of talking about a little bit. So the the way to do this is just to purpose be purposeful and just be like, Oh yeah, that card sounds like what I need today. Or that card is the thing I really want more of in my lighthouse in this particular moment in time. And so you can purposely just flick through the deck and choose one funny,

Mel Lathouras 30:31
the three that I just saw that stood out to me was allow permission. Everything that that we've spoken about today, sole purpose,

Karen Gunton 30:41
okay, so pick one card that feels like the thing you want for yourself in this moment.

Mel Lathouras 30:50
Many great ones.

Sorry, this could take a while.

Karen Gunton 31:10
While you're picking, I'll tell you what we're going to do next. So once you've once you've put so this is rather than just picking a random card and seeing what it means you're purposely choosing one you want. That's the thing I want for myself in this moment. And then once you've picked that card, and you're like, Yeah, that's the card that represents what I want, then you pop it back in the deck. And then what you do,

Mel Lathouras 31:32
yeah, I think I want faith and trust. I love that. And it's interesting, because I just saw obviously, there's a workplace around the corner that it's obviously doing a PD today, because there's all a bunch of administration looking ladies blindfolded, and you know, doing some training. I would not be doing that on this street.

Karen Gunton 31:53
Something very wobbly. There's a part of me that really resists that. So yeah, okay, so you've got your card you want. And so now what you do is you actually pop it in your deck and shuffle your deck up a bit. And you can do that however you want. You can cut the deck and stick it somewhere you can do whatever you want. Shuffle it up until you feel like okay, this feels good. Yep. And then what you need to do then is just flick back through the deck to find that card. And again, that might take a second. Because it's somewhere random. Oh, you did. Okay. So don't take it totally out yet. What you want to do once you find that card, is take also the card in front of it. And the card behind it. Oh, okay. So the cards that you picked as your ortho mine, the card that you picked as the one that you want for yourself in this moment, yeah. And then the and then you're also just going to take out the card behind it and the card in front of it. Yeah. So this little way, you're now this is where our intuition comes in. Because we pick the thing we want. And I picked a rock star, and the card behind it is something to leave behind. Oh, you today, tap into your inner rock star. And so the card behind for mine was visionary. So that's one of the lighthouse keepers. And some people do this. And they think well, how am I supposed to leave behind my intervention in their visionary, but it might be something like little rule or an expectation or story that my inner visionaries telling me something like, rule, you know, rules or expectations. So what was yours

Mel Lathouras 33:38
vulnerable?

Karen Gunton 33:39
Oh, so again, you might be like, how am I supposed to leave behind being vulnerable, but maybe it's a rule you have about what you think vulnerable is your story, you've been telling yourself? What it means.

Mel Lathouras 33:52
Sometimes I forget that you're allowed to save 10% for yourself, you know, that's a bit of a rule, you know, is Yeah, well, you know, to be vulnerable, obviously, is to be courageous, as we've been taught by Brene Brown. Yeah, that I think sometimes I think that means that I have to just bear or you know, on stage. However, there's this, there's this rule in performing it's like you're allowed to keep 10% for yourself. And I think that goes for you know, business as well. You know, you're allowed to love to just keep some sacred yeah, that's,

Karen Gunton 34:29
that's really good. I love that. And so again, this is like your first best story first thing that pops in your head is your best thing and that rule popped into your head and you know, there might be something there like to leave behind this idea that you have to be there at all. Yeah, and rather you and that gives you a maybe a feeling of trust to get up on stage knowing you're allowed to keep some of you for yourself. Yeah, like I think that's so that's the that's something to leave behind the card behind and the one in front is something to help us step forward.

Mel Lathouras 34:59
Oh, Mine is foundation. Oh, yeah, step forward

Karen Gunton 35:03
and trust, you need to have a strong foundation to step on to.

Mel Lathouras 35:08
Yeah,

Karen Gunton 35:09
whatever pops in your head that feels like foundation.

Mel Lathouras 35:13
I feel like, for me, it's a bit of a confirmation that I'm doing the right things in building that those foundations for myself. Yeah, yeah, that's

Karen Gunton 35:21
great combination is perfect. Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah,

Mel Lathouras 35:25
you're doing it. Yeah. And mine

Karen Gunton 35:27
was belonging. So in order to be that rock star, my thought was to start in a place where I have a sense of belonging, where people already loved me and accept me, and I could practice practice my rock star, showing up and shining in a place that's safe. Before I before I expand my comfort zone, maybe start in a safe spot where I feel first,

Mel Lathouras 35:52
that's beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah, no, um, Karen. One piece of advice for, you know, the singer that maybe they could be at different parts of their journey, they could be wanting to get up on a stage and sing, but struggling, you know, with, you know, fear based beliefs. Or they could be at a part of their career where they're ready to sort of take that next step into expansion, but that there's a, there's some resistance there. So one, Perley piece of advice that you could impart to that that singer on their journey.

Karen Gunton 36:34
Um, I would say, the most important thing you can do in those moments of whatever step that you're taking next, is to strengthen your sense of self. That's the prerequisite. Your strong sense of self. Yeah, that sense of what your light is, where it comes from. That's where we can alleviate all this struggle and a stuckness, and the resistance and the fear and the doubt when we strengthen our sense of self. And so that requires us to actually really know ourselves well, you know, know what our strengths and values are, to have a strong sense of the kind of person we're here being in the world. And I think sometimes I'll just say that, you know, I'm all about this. I'm a self leadership coach, and it starts with self. But I think sometimes we have a funny sense of self in the sense that, so much of what we think about ourselves is actually more about the world. It's about how we show up in the world, it's about the roles we play in the world, it's about who we've had to be in the world, or what the world gets from us needs from us requires of us. And so the, the strengthening the sense of self, in part is the self that is just for you. Not about who you have to be in the world. So as an example, let's use the, the idea of our strengths. Strengths are something we're good at, that most people will be like, oh, yeah, that's something I good at. But we think of that as being what we offer, because we're good at it, or what the world needs from us, because we're good at it. But there is a definition of strengths as what makes you stronger. And you don't do it, because you're good at it, but you do it, because it's good for you to do. And so that that's what I mean, when I say self as the you that's just for you. And when you have a really strong sense of that person, that self, then that's where your courage comes from. And your bravery comes from, and your vulnerability can come from, as much as you wish to share your sense of belonging with others comes from. So that's really the key. And I think that when we can tap into that sense of self, then it's, it's still might be tricky to take the next step forward. But the strength is coming from you, not from what anyone else says you should do, or who you should be, but rather who you know that you are. So that's what my advice would be start with self.

Mel Lathouras 39:12
So thank you so much. Thank you for being here. So if anyone would like to get these cards would the best bet to be going is go to your website? Yeah, pop over to

Karen Gunton 39:25
my website. You'll see once you scroll down, the cards are there and you can click through and you know, there's some bits of information there. There's also the link to that little ebook about the lighthouse keepers if you want to learn more about them. And yeah, have a browse that the other fun stuff that's there on offer

Mel Lathouras 39:44
and if they'd like to work with you, obviously there's a

Karen Gunton 39:48
that's all there too. Yeah, I have. I have online classes and my free eBook that you can find over at my website is all about enoughness and self worth. And I think that's something many of us struggle with But I think sometimes those of us who are showing up and shining in some way we can wonder if we're, you know, not enough for that. And so that whole ebook is really about the idea of claiming ourselves so we can claim our worth. So anybody that wanted to start strengthening that sense of self for themselves, that free ebook is a is a pretty simple, quick way to start. Because it's not very long. It's not very onerous, either. It's very simple and doable.

Mel Lathouras 40:28
Beautiful. Please go and give Karen some love over at Instagram at Karen Gunton. And yeah, grab those cards, and the e book I wrote Karen gunton.com. I'll put it all in the show notes. And also too, if you feel like this episode would benefit someone you know, share it with them. Share the love, subscribe to feel a single podcast here on YouTube or leave me a review on Spotify, Apple, because you know, if you think this content, you know, would you benefit people, please get it out there. And Karen, thank you so much.

Karen Gunton 41:05
Thank you for having me. Thanks for the opportunity. So tell your listeners and your singers about how the lighthouse might be inspiring to build their own sense of self and that light that they're here to shine. I think that's what we're all here to do, you know, in any way that is so I'm so glad that you support people to do that as a doc as someone with a daughter who is a singer. I'm trying to encourage her to be a feeler fearless singer myself. I think that what you're doing is really important.

Mel Lathouras 41:33
Oh, thank you so much, Karen. Thank you for making my 30th Episode really special. Thank you for having me. See, up, but don't you go

Transcribed by https://otter.ai